Newton said it and the facts of life continue to prove it.  “What goes up – Must come down.”

That’s fine if you’re a child tossing a ball in the air.  It’s not so good when you’re a Woman of a Certain Age looking in the mirror.  The oh-so-cruel forces of gravity have taken over my once-young and taut body parts.

I first noticed that gravity was dragging my butt closer to my thighs. (This should be a frightening foreboding for Kim Kardashian.) Then my boobs began waving at my belly button.  Talk about waving!  My upper arms now wave, or more accurately – they dangle when I hail a cab – certainly a negative incentive for a quick Uber ride.

Have I become my grandmother?

My body seems to have jumped on the Express Train to Old Age.  How did this happen?  Why wasn’t I warned.  Where are the “Best By xxxx” signs that should have been posted on my derrière?

I signed up at the local health and fitness club this summer but a lot of factors limited my participation – too hot, too rainy, not the right time, a painful ankle, too busy…..

I bought a set of spiffy neon green, 5# hand weights.  They’ve become very striking decorations on the kitchen counter often doubling as paper weights for the current junk mail.  I pick them up on occasion as I pass by and do ten lifts on each arm,  So far, I haven’t noticed any significant muscle tone improvement.

Fortunately, the dogs continue to insist on walks around the park, a good cardio exercise in between rests to sniff, squat, roll, etc.  FYI – That’s the dogs performing those activities, not me.  I stop to watch the kids playing soccer or baseball or watch the older-than-me woman jogging along the path.  She circles the park six times, jogging all the way.  I’m happy with one loop, walking and pausing all the way.

I haven’t given up, yet.  Gal Pal Dale sent me the newest exercise plan, one I think I can actually commit to.  Most of the exercises can be done “in the comfort of your own home, in a standing or sitting position” so they’re not overly strenuous, shouldn’t affect my troublesome ankle (diagnosed as tendinitis – more to come on that!), and pretty easy to commit to.  Actually, I think I will incorporate them into my morning GMA watch, or maybe later during Let’s Make A Deal.

The exercise sheet promises “this is one of the best at-home exercises to tighten-up your turkey neck or wattle… while reducing neck wrinkles, double chin and sagging skin.” There are also routines to tighten cheek muscles – the facial kind.  It’s a small beginning but you have to start somewhere!  I think my strategy will be top to bottom starting with my turkey neck, then on to the boobs, bat arms, and finally the bottomed-out booty.  Yay team!